Sarah Palin: Our neighboring country of Afghanistan

Sarah Palin's ongoing war with geography, the English language, rationality, and plain old "know-what-the-fuck-you're-talking-about" have reached a head. On Sunday, Palin was giving a speech in San Francisco when she referred to Afghanistan as "our neighboring country." In a quip a few hours later, she said she was "just trying to give Tina Fey more material - job security for Saturday Night Live."

I don't even know where to start with those comments. First, Tina Fey doesn't work at SNL anymore. She sporadically contributes now that her program 30 Rock has blown up. Second, what's up with "job security?" It reminds me of the Katie Couric interview where Palin ranted for minutes on as many topics as possible in order to confuse Katie, and then added, very matter-of-factly, that it was all about job security. It appears that the more you repeat your own gaffes, the more people think it's cute.

What follows is a fictional exchange between a male Palin supporter (isn't it funny the GOP ticket is now McCain-Palin?) and a female Obama supporter.

Male Palin supporter: Sarah Palin is so hot. Did you see how she winked at the debate? It made me sit up straight.

Female Obama supporter: She didn't answer most questions, and even when she did, she quoted wrong information, made up names for established political actors, and basically attempted to McCain-ize her arguments (endlessly repeating manipulated, often false information, in hopes of people saying, "Well, if she's saying it all the time, it must be true.")

Male Palin supporter: You are so sexist! If that was a man, you wouldn't say any of the things you just said.

Female Obama supporter: Actually if it were a man I'd say he's an damn idiot. Exhibits A and B: Dan Quayle and George W. Bush.

Male Palin supporter: Those two people you just mentioned are some of the most patriotic figures in our history. You are un-American and unpatriotic. I hope McCain shows that johnny-come-lately what being American is all about.

Female Obama supporter: This is hopeless. For the sake of this country and our place in the world, I truly hope and pray that you lose.

Sarah Palin's SNL VP Debate

Queen Latifah stars as Gwen Ifill and Tina Fey reprises her brilliant performance as Sarah Palin. Keep in mind Palin ignored many of Ifill's questions and proceeded to talk about whatever she wanted to. Here is an excerpt of Fey as Palin in her closing remarks:

"I liked being here tonight answering these tough questions

without the filter of the mainstream 'gotcha' media with their

'follow up questions,' 'fact-checking' or 'incessant need to 

figure out what your words mean and why ya put them in that order.'"

I have yet to hear a more transparent interpretation of Palin's bullshit innocuousness.

Unrelated but equally important, the AP reports Palin made a "racially tinged" attack on Barack Obama that is "exaggerated at best if not outright false." 

Axis of Justice | "Alice in My Fantasies"

  

The Axis of Justice supergroup is comprised of Tom Morello and Brad Wilk (Rage Against the Machine/Audioslave, on guitar and drums, respectively), Flea (Red Hot Chili Peppers, bass), Pete Yorn (guitar), and Serj Tankian (System of a Down, vocals/keyboards.) This incarnation of the band is the brainchild of Morello and Tankian, who founded the Axis of Justice non-profit, "to bring together musicians, fans of music, and grassroots political organizations to fight for social justice."

"Alice in My Fantasies" hails from their live album and DVD Concert Series Volume 1. Knowing Morello and Flea's predilection for vicious riffs and hardcore funk, it is no surprise they chose this filthy (in the best sense possible) Funkadelic song to cover. The influence Funkadelic's main verse riff has had on Morello and Flea in their own bands is palatable, like Márquez's One Hundred Years of Solitude to Rushdie's Midnight's Children, a wise ancestor laying the foundation for future generations. Morello and Flea clearly know what's up. They are deep in the pocket, grooving with and against the riff, while Wilk and Tankian are out of step with the song. Espeically Tankian. Unlike George Clinton in the original, Tankian doesn't relish the nastiness, his adlibs are far from funky, and he only sings one line from the lyrics. Here is the original.

Bootsies Rank Method

What Is Groove? will begin employing a new ranking method to the songs, albums, and books reviewed. There will be a label for all new ranked items. The method is called "Bootsies" and it will work in a one-to-five Bootsy scale. 

One: Zone of Zero Funkativity

Two: Bush-league

Three: Kinda feelin it

Four: Diggin it!

Five: Mothership Status

Prince's Sign 'O' The Times, for example, would get five Bootsies.

    

Metallica | Death Magnetic

It's fitting that a heartbeat opens Metallica's Death Magnetic, their first album in five years. It might not be a rebirth, but it's certainly a resurrection. Though their previous album St. Anger attempted a return to their thrash roots, there were many omissions and questionable decisions: insulting to most metalheads, there were no guitar solos; the snare drum sounded like a beat up tin can; the background vocals were unnecessary and often intrusive; and the alt-rock melodies didn't jive with anything. Well, you can forget that mess. Bring on Kirk Hammett's molten light solos, bring on the double bass drum hits, the rapid fire triplets, the abundance of rhythmic switches and time signature changes. After all, this is Metallica in their natural state.

There are ten tracks on the album, but the truth is you can multiply that by three or four, and in some cases six. Most songs are multipart behemoths that continuously pile new riffs, licks, and rhythms on top of each other, until those give way to completely new sections. The previous steps are repeated with new grooves, and then Hammett is unleashed. If there's any revelation in these tunes it's the lead guitarist. In "The End Of The Line," after the second or third groove change, there's a short feedback buzz and out of nowhere, a rumbling, lightning-fast mound of notes tumbles in a frenetic wah-wah haze. A groove change later, the band returns to the main riff, which sounds like a variation on Pearl Jam's "Animal," as guitarist and lead vocalist James Hetfield growls the song's title.

A catalogue of metal riffs is included in "All Nightmare Long." If there's any metal band out there running out of ideas, it might be a good call to jack one of these. Somewhere in these heavy as lead textures I'm sure is bassist Rob Trujillo. The fact that he's basically inaudible throughout the record isn't his fault. With all the tussling between both guitars and Lars Ulrich's drumming the listener is basically asphyxiated, never mind having space for bass. Unlike most bands, the lack of a bass presence doesn't diminish the band's fascination with rhythmic invention.

The song whose sole focus is rhythm and texture is "Suicide & Redemption," Metallica's first classic instrumental in years. There are so many meaty riffs that at times the song sounds like a tape cut at a rehearsal. Ten minutes of this is hardly enough. It's invigorating to hear a band tear into every note and beat they play. At last Metallica has looked at itself in the mirror and accepted its reflection: the greatest metal band of the last 25 years.

NOTE: In a sharp contrast to their Napster days, the band has posted the entire, unedited album on their website for free streaming. Click here to get pummeled.

Sarah Palin's Debate Technique

So true.

Grateful Dead | Rocking The Cradle: Egypt 1978

Not even the best packaging these eyes have ever seen can save this record. A fold out of a desert scene gives way to a moon-bathed pyramid adorned with the Grateful Dead's Egypt logo. Across the sand version of steal your face is the Sphinx and behind it the eclipsed moon. This dazzling package holds a 2CD/1DVD compilation of the Dead's only shows in Egypt. The band played at the Giza Sound & Light Theater, a majestic open-air venue within meters of the Sphinx and the Great Pyramids. Yes, these gigs are legendary, though often not for the music, but for the spectacle.

When the band realized that the tapes for the first two nights were largely unusable, they went all in for the third and last show, on September 16.  For that reason, most of this comp, excluding "Jack Straw" and "Stagger Lee," came from the last night. The problem is that the tunes are out of order, so the natural flow of this brilliant Dead show is absent. The second disc tries to recreate the last night's second set, and it mostly succeeds. All the necessary highlights are there: a seamless "Ollin Arageed" (with Hamza El Din, Nubian singer and oud/tar player) into "Fire on the Mountain;"a monster "Shakedown Street;" and an acid country "Truckin'." Inexplicably, two second set songs were included in the first disc and two others, including the encore, were omitted. Perhaps a better alternative to mangling this concert would have been to release a complete performance from the last night. Thankfully, we have archive.org to satiate that need.

Spanning thirteen songs and almost 100 minutes, the most essential component of this comp is the DVD. For the first time we're able to see drummer Bill Kreutzmann playing with one arm, since he had broken his left hand before the concerts. Jerry Garcia looks positively enchanted. He's clearly enjoying himself, molding a heartfelt and lyrical solo in "Candyman" and surrendering to the polyrhythmic freedom of "Ollin Arageed." Watching the greatest band in the land perform during their career peak is an absolute joy. It is precisely this, and only this, that makes this set essential. If you want to enjoy a soundboard recording of the entire, unedited final show at Egypt, click this link.